Skip School

HowTo:Skip School

The actors from Grease skipped school at Fagi Hayr High to go to this photo shoot for a Gay/Straight Alliance advertisement.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

~ Ferris Bueller on Philosophy

Didn't study for the big algebra test? "Lost" your homework? Poverty got you down? Pieces of evidence surrounding the "extra-curricular activities" scandal with your teacher slowly coming into the eye of justice? Never fear! Skipping school is here to save the day!

Now, you may ask, what is this alleged, so-called "skipping of school?" How does it affect me, and more importantly, my tax dollars? How do I, a simple everyman with naught but the clothes on my back and some lint in my pocket, "skip" a "school"? Hey, hey, slow down there, sonny boy! We'll get to that! Just sit back, relax, and try not to do anything stupid.

So you're going to commit truancy: the basics of skipping school

For whatever the reason, you've decided to skip school. Congratulations! That was more or less the hardest part. Now that you have this goal in mind, you must not back down. If you back down now, you will be readily mocked by your peers and made a pariah. You will be a wimp. Oh, and that nervous tingle in your stomach is called Peer Pressure. Don't worry! Not only is the feeling temporary, but will help you make some of the best decisions in your life! With time, you will learn to use peer pressure to your advantage as a scapegoat^[1]. But until such a time comes, just follow the tingle through the path of Truancy.

But what is Truancy? Webster's defines Truancy as "an act or instance of playing truant; the state of being truant". It defines Truant as "What you are when you are committing truancy"... But seriously, what is truancy? Basically, it is the act of skipping school in a country where compulsory schooling is the law. It was invented in the 1700s by three rambunctious schoolyard chums who, rather than walk uphill both ways in a blizzard to get to school at 5:00 in the morning, decided to hang out all day at the pub. A wise decision, in retrospect; a day in which three 17-year-old farm boys would otherwise be learning rudimentary math skills turned into a legacy that would begin and end in their local school flogging room. Still, the idea caught on, especially after the banning of most forms of corporal punishment in United States schools (except for Massachusetts).

Excuses

At this time it is worth noting that, in many countries such as the U.S. and U.K., truancy is illegal. However, this bullet can be dodged easily by making up excuses.

The Classic: "I'm sick"

Feigning sickness is not only a primary warning sign of Hypochondria, but also a relatively easy excuse for getting out of school. Most non-military schools will allow sickness and/or injuries as a valid excuse for skipping school. There are two ways to use sickness as an absence excuse: faking a disease, and intentionally catching one. For the sake of completeness, we'll cover both aspects of what has been called the "classic" excuse.

First, we'll go over faking it. Widely acknowledged to be the easier and often less painful side of this excuse, faking it can be accomplished in many ways with a variety of methods. However, all one must really keep in mind are these things:

1. Choose a disease to be "infected" with beforehand. Do your research. If you pretend to display common symptoms of a common cold, such as sniveling, coughing, and sneezing, it will seem more like you have a cold. If you shiver, make yourself vomit and go into fake convulsions, it will seem like a realistic case of Malaria. Be creative!
2. If possible, act sick the night previous to your absent day. This not only makes your alleged health problem seem more "legit", but also you may get the added bonus of being treated with high-inducing prescription/cough medicine.
3. Control your coughing. This can never be stressed enough. Coughing too little may make you seem healthy enough to endure seven hours of non-stop schoolwork, but coughing too much may lead to the discovery that you're faking it. Take an acting class if necessary, preferably one on the finer points of fake coughing.
4. While there are several ways of being "found out" that you're faking, few are more foolproof than being taken to a doctor. Avoid this at all costs. Supposing the doctor is both competent and not easily susceptible to bribes, you will be discovered, and likely have your ass whooped by your father later.

How to intentionally catch diseases can be summed up in two words: Lick things. And remember, if you have trouble getting sick with the licking method, remember: if your tongue doesn't feel like sandpaper, and doesn't turn your finger brown to the touch, you aren't licking enough things.

For females only. Refer to your school nurse if you are unsure whatever gender you are. But that will involve going to school. Pretend to have menstrual cramps. (Its one of the rare "sickness" normal people won't find out) In the morning, lie on your bed all limp and bent. Act weak while in agony. If your acting is superb, cry a little but pretend to be enduring the pain. Show that the pain is so acute that it prevents you from preparing for school, much less even attend school. Get your mum to write a note to the school stating the cause of your absence. You can even ask her to include a subscript saying that you don't want to be embarrassed by your classmates knowing the reason and ask your teacher not to disclose it. This could even prevent your teacher from asking awkward questions.

What to do for the rest of the day? First lie in. go back to sleep so you won't have to fake the agony which can become real agony from faking too much. Wait till its too late to go to school, then announce that the pain is gone and you are feeling "much better". This will suffice as a reason for you to resume your leisure activities for the rest of the day. Good Luck!

The Dead Relative

Ol' gramps here looks just about ready to bump off. 3 day weekend!

The dead relative is harder and riskier to pull off than the sick excuse, but can also be more rewarding. The premise, if nothing else, is simple enough; fake that you must attend the funeral of a late relative. As with the sick excuse, faking it is the primary and easy method, but in this case it's better not to hire an assassin to kill your old auntie Barbara, as this may lead to a longer break from school than is desired. Faking it can become quite elaborate, and entire stunt crews, special effects teams, and Steven Spielbergs can be hired to publicly fake a death - in style.

Be wary when using this, though, as many a bored school secretary has researched whether or not your Old uncle Chad really died of Herpes, or even existed. To avoid this, try to use an existing relative rather than making one up, but make sure that either that relative is already dead or one of your incredibly obscure anarcho-primitivist second cousins thrice removed, who lives in a jungle and survives off of the rare bumbleberry fruit.

That, or with a little patience you could simply wait for one to die, so long as your little "day off" isn't incredibly urgent. In fact, statistics show that at least 99.9% of all people born will eventually die. With such a high death rate, I'm sure any number of your various aunts, uncles, or otherwise are ready to give out at any time, without warning.

The Note

For all you forgers out there, we've got a challenge for you! Notes are an awesome power, dealing nothing less than absolute pardoning of all absent days. The note is not only a great way to get out of school, but also, on a smaller scale, to get out of P.E. Assuming you go to private school, you probably already know cursive for the signatures, and, supposing you went to public school, well... you can write at least, right? Well...can you read? No? Then how the hell are you reading this? Is your friend reading this for you? Well, then, get him to do everything for you. Seriously, why are you even freeloading off him in the first place? No, wait, don't answer that.

The first thing needed is a sample of your Parent/Guardian's signature. To get ahold of a copy of their signature, just ask them to sign a fake field trip permission paper, or steal a check. As a sample, we'll assume that their signature looks a little something like this:

The next step is to make a rough draft. It may look a little like this, depending on your calligraphy skills:

You're off to a good start. However, practice makes perfect, so keep writing it over and over. You can't practice too much!^[2] After practicing for a mere couple of hours, we can assume that your false signature must look at least this good by now:

In other words, so fancy and illegible that those hoity-toity snooties at the attendance office couldn't dare but to accept it. Next comes the harder part: making up an excuse. Vacation, disease (see above), surgery, dentist/orthodontist/doctor appointment, funeral (see above, but not quite as far above as you did before), injury, or any combination of the above are what most schools accept as legitimate excuses. Don't use the vacation excuse because, besides that being virtually the truth, it's more fun to lie and feel sneaky. With that exception, I heartily recommend you use all of the excuses at the same time. Your note should read much like this:

STONER HIGH SCHOOL EXCUSE SLIP Please excuse my son daughter offspring from school, as he/she/it was suffering from amoebic meningitis and was sent by our doctor to the hospital, where it was discovered that he/she/it had acute, second stage osteoporosis. They then had to operate to remove his or her bloated appendix, by request of his/her/it's dentist. This all occurred shortly after the tragic, teeth-alignment related death of his/her/it's Grandpa's Uncle's Nephew's Cousin's Fouth removed Second Cousin's Father's Brother-in-law's Mother's Ex-boyfriend's Sister's Twice removed Aunty's Great-grandchild named Joe. My child most certainly was not on vacation or skipping school, and may I say how dare you for even considering that. - 10:02, 13 December 2009 (UTC)

While the excuse itself is rather outlandish, the signature at the end certifies it. Such is the wonderment of forgery.

Snow Day

A clan of snowmen enjoying their fleeting lives during a typical snow day.

Works best in Northern States and during Winter, preferably both at once. The Snow Day is a rare occurrence during which, somehow, in a way usually directly related to colder/snowier weather, safe transportation to school becomes highly impossible. Snow Days are beloved by children and deemed to be, officially, the most fun and most pranciful excuse for skipping school. The Snow Day formula is as follows:

Or, the amount of water vapor (W) in an integrated column of air directly above the school times the absolute value of the temperature (T)^[3] divided by the sum of 547 times S (a value representing summer, 1 if it is summer and 0 if not) plus the number of previous consecutive snow days that year (D). The higher the number, the more likely that a snow day will happen. Study it well.

However, in this case math is not always the answer. For absolute confirmation of a snow day during which school is skipped, watch the local news in the morning or listen to the radio on a day during which even a minuscule amount of snow falls. The anchor should announce if and which schools are closed. If they fail to mention anything, call your school^[4]. They will know. If you are going to school, accept this news in a depressed manner, as the secretary may have sympathy and change her mind^[5]. Otherwise, laugh in her face, shout some profanities, and abruptly hang up.

Global warming has recently been blamed for decreasing the number of snow days per year. Therefore, you have about ten years left to exploit this method. If you would like to keep having snow days into the indefinite future, stay in school, study hard, invent a time machine, go back to 2000 and vote for Al Gore using a fake ID.

Hurricane Day

See? Friendly, and perfectly domesticated. We advise that you flee.

The Hurricane Day method of skipping school is a little more complicated and often results in a week long break. The first thing you must do is procure a hurricane. Like the Snow Day, only with God on your side will one happen^[6]. When God decides to rain unholy vengeance upon your city then that means that there is no school. Contrary to popular belief you actually don't need to leave a city during a hurricane. Most hurricanes are docile and like to lick you in the face and retrieve tennis balls. However there are certain hurricanes like the Miami Hurricanes who can destroy the average man with a single bound.

The docile breed of hurricane can easily be weathered by staying in your home and watching TV or anything else that could possibly be considered time-wasting. They are actually quite relaxing and certain hurricanes used to be used as aphrodisiacs. However the volatile hurricanes can HIT YOUR WEAKPOINT FOR 8+4d12 DAMAGE!!!!(X3 if you crit!) These hurricanes can cause school skipping for months at a time. You may be forced to enroll at a different school, however, your new school will probably lower its standards to help you and your lead paint chip-eating friends get good grades, thereby keeping the federal funds rolling in. Either way it's going to be a cakewalk.

Once you get back to your school, life will continue on as normal no matter what kind of hurricane you went through, unless your school was completely demolished during the hurricane; in which case you will be forced to sit in the pile of wood that used to be your school, learning probably about as much as you did before, despite the fact that the chalkboard is now in over a hundred pieces, scattered across three Gulf Coast states.

The Octopus Method

Obtaining octopodes: not as easy as it sounds.

Often lauded as the best yet least used method, The Octopus Method is regarded as the most effective method by far, easily trumping The Note. The process can be summarized by two easy-to-memorize notes:

1. Obtain an octopus of any variety.
2. Repeat Step 1 until desired result has been achieved.

Trust us, eventually you will reach such a high number of your cephalopod buddies that those stiffs at the school will just have to let you out from school! This option never fails, though good luck finding enough Octopi without using the extremely pricey Japanese Sea food Black market.

What to do

Now that you officially are school-free for the day, what to do? First, pay off someone to do your homework. Many a fool has gone for all of seven hours work-free, only to have to make up for all of it plus homework at 3:00 PM, effectively wasting half of the day.

Once you have secured your homework-doer-forer-youer, it's time to PARTAAAAY! ... Or so you would think, except that no one else is out from school today. Tragic, is it not?

Yes, such is the realization of many a school skipper. There is little to do. Even TV turns into "Daytime television", with such monumental horrors as Oprah and *shudder* Soap Operas.

Finally, you will reluctantly come to the depressing realization that you did nothing all day. When you go to school the next day, odds are your heart just won't be in it. From then on out you'll be a loose cannon with nothing left to live for, experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and sex.

On the bright side, if you're antisocial, you don't have to put up with those meddling classmates of yours; you probably wait for the bell just to get away from them and get some space. If you followed the steps above, you might have saved years of your life, especially on assembly days. As for what you can do at home, you have Internet, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this HowTo. Have fun looking up pr0n for the rest of your life.

Oh! And it is best to wait until mom has gone to work -->SO<-- If u do this often make sure to have a game or something to play

Footnotes

1. ↑ "Gee Golly, Mrs. Parker, I really woulda come to class today if it weren't for that peer pressure, honest to goodness I woulda!"
2. ↑ Actually, you can. 25 hours a day would be too much. And, uh, physically impossible
3. ↑ Here measured, preferably, in the metric system, like most scientific work. However, knowing you as the foolhardy, academics-hating rapscallion that you inherently are, you probably don't know the metric system anyway, so feel free to use your lousy, inferior American system
4. ↑ Don't know the number? Look on your school website. Don't know your school website? Uh, I assume it would be the name of your school plus a dot edu (.edu). Don't know your school name? You're skipping WAY too much.
5. ↑ If this doesn't work, somehow reference drowning puppies, a surefire tear-jerker.
6. ↑ See: Westboro Baptist Church.

Be a Good Catholic

HowTo:Be a Good Catholic

This article has been personally approved by His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI. He signed Holy Documents of Approval using his Holy Lightsaber

Warning: Jesus has visited this page and determined conclusively that he does not approve.

Perfect Catholics

Welcome, acolyte. We'd like to proudly present you this guide that will help you become a good member of the Roman Catholic sect Church. Well, if you feel you are a good member, you can at least check to see if you are REALLY good member. You should also know that this guide will not show you the basic rules of the Roman Catholic Church. If you don't know them, you should look here.

Before we start our holy journey, we'd like to point out that this guide has been approved by both Polish and Spanish episcopates as truthful and accurate and got their certificates AbsolutelyRight2 and FantasticallyDeceiving3 respectively.

Beginning

Let's start our holy journey. Follow these points and be sure you meet the requirements:

• First of all, you need to be born in a family that has been Catholic for at least three generations. If you have even one heretic in a straight line of your genealogical tree, you should give up now - You won't be a good Catholic!
• Secondly, you have to be baptised as an infant so you can be indoctrinated from the time you were born. This was the decision of your parents. If you were baptised as an adult, you will be Catholic, but You won't be a good Catholic!
• Oh well, you can give an offering to a priest, who will be so grateful that he will backdate your baptism documents. Don't worry that it will have a bad influence on your Catholic soul. A priest is a saintly person, and for supporting saintly people you will go to heaven! Always remember: Your donation is your salvation.
• If you don't have at least four siblings, you should give up now. That means that your parents are heretics that use condoms, so they have no idea how to do it as God obliged people to do, or they just don't do it so they are idiots, or they are infertile and as we all know, infertility is God's punishment for your mom behaving like a slut in her youth.
• If you meet all the requirements listed above, you can start your journey to become a good Catholic!

All requirements of being good Catholic

Money

Money is an important part of a Catholic's life, probably the most important. The Pope builds his Catholic Empire on money from worshippers and yes, you guessed it: you are going to be one of them. Check to see if you can meet the monetary requirements for being a good Catholic:

• Remember, each time you visit the Home of God, you need to give some offerings to a priest. World Crisis is not an excuse. You can't let your parish go bankrupt... Don't give coins; it's an insult for God! He sacrificed his son for your sins, so open your purse and give your banknote with the most zeros on it!
• If you are actually poor, that means that God knew you would be miserly so he took his part already.
• When a priest visits your home, you should give him a generous donation or Hell fire will burn you!
• A Bishop does not have never-ending wealth. You should send him some money once a month. Or at least once every two months.
• It is in good taste is supporting your Cardinal. Send him something once a year.
• The Pope also has financial troubles. Recently, he couldn't buy a new diamond-made lamp. Instead, he had to buy a lamp made of ruby. Do you think that is OK? Go to your post office and send him some money!
• If you don't agree with the conditions above, you should give up now. You won't be a good Catholic, you filthy miser!

Attitude to church authorities

You shall listen to this guy. It's even better if you always agree!

Church authorities are important in every kind of religion. In the Catholic church, there is a big hierarchization of authorities. You need to have respect for them:

• Love your God more than the other's Muhammad.
• Love your Pope more than your God.
• Love your Cardinal more than your Pope.
• Love your Bishop more than your Cardinal.
• Love your Bishop more than another's Bishop.
• Love your Priest more than all the above together.
• Priest from local parish is your only authority in all religion cases. He always knows better what higher instance thought. Your Priest's word is a saint's word!
• Remember that being a priest is a higher form of existence; therefore they do not have to do pee or poo.
• Remember that your priest cannot be poor (go back to earlier points if you do not remember).
• Your Priest is always right. Your Priest says that!
• Priests ARE NOT paedophiles, ARE NOT homosexual and NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER have any kind of intercourse with anybody, including themselves.
• If you don't agree with the statements above, you should give up now. You won't be a good Catholic, you unfaithful scum!

Liturgy

• High Mass can't be funny or cool for you or you will become baptist, and for the Catholic Church, baptists are heretics. During High Mass, you shall be sad and grave.
• During High Mass, the order of importance is this: the priest, your wallet, the cross, altar and High Mass' intention.
• One thing you never, ever, ever can do is miss High Mass on Sunday! Otherwise you are a heretic! You have surgery!? Who the hell cares! Run to church because the priest needs your money!
• You really have to like going to church.
• Your Priest is always right (we know it has already been in this guide, but you really need to remember this...).
• He is right even whem he is not right.
• However, if he is wrong, he is in fact right.
• If your priest is not right, he is right anyway.
• If you still don't get it, you have to be retarded.
• If you don't agree with the statements above, you should give up now. You won't be a good Catholic, you unfaithfully happy Westboro Baptist Church member!

Everyday life of a Catholic

• You shall pray as often as possible, but don't go crazy with it! Otherwise you can become a batpist and that's definitely not good.
• You shall have three copies of the HOLY BIBLE. However, you can't read the Bible or, what is much worse, understand it. Understanding the Bible is for Jehovah's Witnesses.
• You can't eat meat on Fridays. Just accept it and it will be cool. No, you can't eat meat even if it is the only food available to you at the time. No! No meat on Fridays. Just, just accept it, OK?
• You should permanently join your hand to your rosary. This way you will be showing your dedication to Saint Virgin Mary and you won't lose it.
• You should note down every sin you committed. That makes it easier at confession.
• You should go to priest for confession at least once a month. Of course you have to bring with you a nice amount of money for his troubles.
• If the above statements are not right for you, give up now. You won't be a good Catholic!

Holy war

• Actually, "holy war" is the basis of the everyday life of a Catholic. Yes, Muslims are better show offs, but trust me, Catholics also have their Jihad.
• First of all, you shall watch only Catholic TV, listen to Catholic radio and read only Catholic newspapers to protect yourself from bad influence coming to you from the bad Jewish Communistic world full of heathens.
• You shall not think that everything good on this world comes from God and everything bad comes from the Devil. No! That's what Protestants say! Everything bad on this world comes from Jews, Communists and atheists, and the Roman Catholic Church is fighting against those heretics!
• Remember, every Protestant, Baptist or Mormon is a heretic and every Eastern Orthodox Catholic is a schismatic! Don't confuse those definitions. Heretics are destined to be burnt at the stake after cruel tortures, and schismatics can be converted to Roman Catholicism!
• Remember that each atheist is a blasphemer and heretic at the same time! You shall kill any atheist at once!
• Remember that each deist is also blasphemer and heretic at the same time! It's a lesser level than atheist but they are also destined to be killed at once.
• But remember that each agnostic is an idiot as he just doesn't know. You can't blame him for that. However, you shall kill him using holy fire, and God will know if he was ours or not ours.
• Kill each Satanist you see. It's not against the Ten Commandments; it's getting closer to salvation.
• You should cite the Bible each time you have any conversation with anybody. Or maybe not..that's what Protestants are doing. Forget about this point.
• You shall argue to the bitter end that God exists and is Catholic!
• Each argument ends by using holy fire to burn your opponents that are of course heretics.
• Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Don't sleep during High Mass!
• Atheism doesn't exist! It's just another heresy!
• Crusade against Jihad!
• Use holy fire against suicidal bomb attacks!
• You also shall accept and execute all statements above, otherwise You won't be a good Catholic!

Contraception

• Contraception was invented by heretics.
• If you use any kind of contraception, you are a heretic!
• Each intercourse shall end with pregnancy. Otherwise, intercourse will be a deadly sin! Oh, you also can be infertile but it's God's punishment as this occurs only when you want to have children.
• If you did it in any other position than classical, you have committed a deadly sin! It's worse than using condoms!
• If you don't want to have children, go buy a layette. You can expect a baby in 9 months.
• If you don't want to make your Catholic Family bigger, you are a heretic working on the Devil's side! Go to hell!
• You can't have prurience! It's sin!
• The only acceptable methods of spending onself are: adding bromine to your morning cereal, and looking at Rosie O'Donnell.
• Each spermatozoon is saintly! It's potential life. If you waste it, you are a sinner!
• If you even think about using condoms, remember that using one causes salmonella, mumps, scurvy, staphylococcus, glaucoma, eczema, plague, ebola, denga and AIDS. Using condoms can also make you bald, redundant, depressed and addicted to alcohol. All that leads to masturbation, and if you practice that: you will burn in hell!
• If you think that haveing children and not using contraception is not for you, give up. You won't be a good Catholic!

Masturbation

Masturbation is one of worst things that a Roman Catholic can ever do! Never, ever, ever masturbate yourself! Or you will go blind! And you will get tetanus! And AIDS! Masturbation is absolutely forbidden for all Roman Catholics! If you masturbate, you can die! You will die and go to hell! Don't do this! If you think you are an ugly bastard and you think you can't live without masturbation, give up now because You won't be a good Catholic!

Abortion

Abortion is another deadly sin, equal to murder. If you want to be a good Catholic, you can't even think about having an abortion (for you or your girlfriend... WIFE! It's obvious you can't have intercourse before your wedding!). However, we have few simple rules about abortion:

• Jesus in Scrubs TV Series said that Every life is precious. And that means simply: no abortion!!!
• Abortion is a murder and sin. You will burn in hell after having an abortion!
• Oh well... If the parents are drug takers with no future... NO!!!! ABORTION IS A MURDER!!!! It doesn't matter that half of egg cells are automatically removed from a woman's body as part of a natural process!
• Abortion can't be done even if giving birth to a child can kill the pregnant woman!
• Abortion can't be done even for a 12-year-old girl! She shall be a virgin up to her wedding day!
• Abortion can't be done even for a raped woman (even if she is a 12-year-old girl)!
• Abortion can't be done even for the victim of a mass rape (even if she is a 12-year-old girl)!
• Abortion is a murder!!!

Roman Catholic and dogmas

• All Catholic dogmas are true. Well...you say some of them were not mentioned in the Holy Bible? Well...God forgot and he is providing these forgotten dogmas to us so we can spread them around the Roman Catholic world.
• Saint Virgin Mary was born from a virgin; she bore Jesus while a virgin and she also died as a virgin. Impossible? Then fuck off! You won't be a good Catholic if you don't believe that!
• God is magnificient, merciful and he loves everyone! You need to really believe that or this God will slap the door to Heaven in your face.
• You don't have to be circumcized if you want to be a good Catholic. That's why Catholics are better than Jews.
• You can't be circumcised!!! Even if you had phimosis! Suffering is a way to salvation!
• If you don't agree with the above dogmas, give up now, because You won't be a good Catholic.

Death of a Catholic

• A Catholic should die in his bed while praying on his rosary and holding a blessed-wax candle in his hands. Of course there should be a priest next to him waiting for at least 10% of his will.
• Every Catholic has to have a Catholic funeral (with obvious costs; the priest needs to sacrifice his time for that). There can't be any heretic within 10 kilometres. Take care of any heretics in the area by using holy fire.
• Actually, you can't really take care of your own funeral arrangements. Well, you should force your family to give you an appropriate funeral but they can be lame and will not do it...Well, then your family is not really Catholic and, if the statements above are not fulfilled, You weren't a good Catholic!

Summary

Well...If you came through this difficult way and you meet all requirements and you agree all statements...You are a good Catholic!!!

But if you miss even one requirement...then You are not a good Catholic. Your future depends on your choices. If you were a bad Catholic, you will go to hell. If you were a heathen, you will go to your own Heaven or Hell or in what you believe. If you were an atheist, it's enough to engrave on your tomb, I'm not going anywhere!